March 30, 2009

What is happening to me? I really do not understand the space that my head is in now. All that I wasnt is to have a simple, non complicated life full of happiness, love, family, and probably far to many dogs. I want to go to Paris. I want to have that crap apartment in San Fransisco which I pay way to much money for and work really hard and do things that matter and make a difference. I want to fall in love.

Why can I not just live that life, its the one I want, its the one I pray about. Its the one that I dream about. Why then have I been handed this lie that if I move one step in the wrong direction I could loose everything? Am I being challenged? Do I really want this? Why is is that the one thing I really want has been extended to me and its there but who knows if it is real or if I am making up some grand illusion in my head that I tend to do so much sometimes/

I think I read to many books about far to many things. I read of adventure, I crave adventure, but I do nothing about it. I want to just pack a bag with a few things in it, a couple books, a full Ipod and just go. So is that my plan, work really hard and save every dime so one day I can just slip out the back door and not return until I have figured myself out?

I am so tired and so confused and I am twenty three years old and I have alot on my plate and most days I feel like I am drowning.

I wish I had someone older and wiser that I could talk to. A mentor of sorts that I could get sage advice from. I had one for awhile, but God decided that she was needed more in heaven and I would learn to manage without her.

Its so hard to say that this is not the life that I want to lead when there are so many beautiful things in my life.

I have my dog, who is simply beside herself when I walk into the door and will wag her tail whenever I look at her. I am hers as much as she is mine.

I have quite possibly the best friends a person could ever ask for, friends who are willing to listen to me figuring everything out with open hearts and are willing to hold me while I cry myself to sleep when I feel like for that moment my heart is braking into a thousand pieces and I can feel ever one of them.

I have a family. A mom, dad, and a brother who support me and love me no matter how weird I am. A grandfather who is quite possibly the coolest man on the planet. A beautiful family full of interesting people who just need to get their act together and realize that when we are all in a room there is a certain magic, and I wont have to go through another Christmas without music. I need to go to sleep, I have alot of stuff to do this week, hopefully Matt and Kim with play me some tunes that will lift my spirits because they are really in the gutter.

I am gone to spend some time with Edward and Bella.

Love you all.

Dear Lady Gaga

Please be my friend.
I promise Im cool.


Think about it.

Robby

- -

Another reason to LOVE First Lady Michelle Obama

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090319/ap_on_go_pr_wh/white_house_garden

To whom it may concern,

www.cutbrooklyn.com

Buy me one of these, and I will not only be your best friend for like...ever.

I'd probably make out with you...Im just saying.

...Think about it.

I like the one with the red handle - but I would take the pink one :)

Love Robby

Dear Mr. Oberst

There is a man holding a megaphone,
he must have been the voice of God
The bystanders claimed they saw angels
flying up and down the block
Well, they must have been attached to wires
I'd seen one laying in the lawn
with a broken arm, so I called 911

Well that's one less founded opinion
One more cause for a dispute
So the street filled, like a basin,
up with cameras and their crews
And they washed away the rumors
leaving just the concrete truth
It was a spectacle
No, I, I mean a miracle

So then I fell like that girl
from a balance beam
A gymnasium of eyes
all were holding on to me
I lifted one foot to cross the other
and I felt myself slipping
It was a small mistake
Sometimes that is all it takes

Now I'm staring at my wrist,
hoping that the time is right
When the planets will align
There will be no planets to align
Just the carcass of the sun
And little painted marbles spinning senseless
through an endless black sky

It was in a foreign hotel's bathtub
I baptized myself in change
And one by one I drowned all of the people I had been
I emerged to find the parallels were fewer
I was cleansed
I looked in the mirror
And someone new was there
But, I was as helpless as a chess piece
when I was lifted up by someone's hand
And delivered from the corner
my enemies had got me in
But in all of my salvation
I still felt imprisoned inside that holding cell
that is myself

So I wait for the day when I'll hear the key
as it turns in the lock
And the guard will say to me,
"Oh my patient prisoner
you waited for this day and finally,
you are free!
You are free!
You are freezing."
Now I'm staring at the sun,
waiting for it to explode
Because a day is gonna come,
don't know when but it will come
And we'll finally know the way out of here


And I'll throw away this wrinkled map
And my chart of stars and compass, cracked
And I'll climb that tree all wet with sap
to avoid the hungry beasts below
I'll cut out my lover's tongue and sing
of a graveyard gray and a garden green
And we won't have to worry no more
No we won't have to wonder again
About how this song or story ends
About how this song and story will end

I think

that the New Zeland commercials are pretty amazing...I mean it makes me concider the ungogly long airplane ride possibly worth it....

Dear L Word,

That last episode. LAME!

Probably the worst episode, ever!

Couldn't you have given us some glimmer of hope besides the L A M E runway shots at the end when the girls and Max where walking into the police station.

AND

If Jenny was going to do what she did anyway, shouldn't she ave done it before now, she has been alot crazier.

Soon You Will Be Mine!

Quote-

"Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing."

-Sylvia Plath

Dear Journal,

Tonight was the night when I realized that there were things about me that I was not entirely happy about.

Reason # 112 Why Robby needs to move to Athens, Ga

Because of Friday nights like last night.

Go Bar, my new favorite place, in the world. Dare I say it stole my heart from 8e's?

Ashley and Katie, there are no words to explain how much I love you guys. Sereously though at 4 a.m. Ashley, I knew we were not going to the wedding.

Winston Parker is an excellent d.j.

Transmet's salad.

Life in general seems better to me when I breathe in the air in Athens. I dont feel like the odd man out anymore.

Waffle House. All that needs to be said.

Dear Zooey,

Marry me instead.

Please.

Dear My Knees,

Sorry for last night.

We got busy. It could't be helped.

I know 2 - 12 is alot to ask of, but you have to trust me.

Love,

Robby